Confessions of a first-time voter

Just like many of my generation I too was faced with a huge challenge. And why just me, it must have been a difficult and confusing exercise for many first timers alike.

It seems only yesterday that I was on my way to the polling booth to cast my ‘first’ ballot. And I must confess it was a difficult and confusing exercise. But in the end it seems I was able to make a difference. Just like many of my generation I too was faced with a huge challenge. And why just me, it must have been a difficult and confusing exercise for many first timers alike. In the last 3 years the contours of our political landscape had undergone many changes. I know all of us, especially the younglings, started taking a keen interest in politics. I was always ‘aware’ of the politics around me; an advantage of being raised in a politically charged environment (my father is a journalist who breathes and lives politics). But the recent events got me more involved in the news and views. Similarly, many of my friends and acquaintances converted from being ‘apolitical’ to political; and my own political awareness went up a notch.

For me the shift from being aware to being proactive was due to my years spent abroad at The University of St Andrews, Scotland. During this period, our economy was thriving while theirs was plummeting. I would proudly bask in the glory of ‘Booming India’. Who knew it would be a short-lived moment of glory?

The rolling out of scams from the cabinets of UPA-II, being touted and tainted as one of the most corrupt countries was ignominious. Friends from abroad were sending messages sympathising over my decision to move back to a bleak India. I was angry. And to express my anger, I took to streets like thousands of youngsters, wearing the white topi. Personally, the introduction of topi has been symbolic; a wakeup call. It was now cool to wear our politics on our topi.

It had made a great difference on me. I went through the different sides of the political prism imbuing sharp cuts of emotions- anger, expectations, confusion, disillusionment and hope.

History has proven that generations with an exceptionally high youth ratio are instrumental in creating political movements which stir up their systems and leave a profound impact. I feel the Anna Hazare’s anti-corruption movement shook not just Indian politics but people too. It ignited the political fire within us. I know so many who got connected to the movement via social media. However, the UPA’s frigidity and inaction showcased their insensitivity towards the mood of its people, triggering Kejriwal to introduce the topi with Main hoon aam aadmi; and jumping into politics while making the people’s mission his own.

Kejriwal for me became the Harry Potter of Indian Politics. He came flying in on his magic broom, vowing to sweep away Lord Voldemort- evil and corruption. He swayed the mind of the young and the angry who saw in him the change. Heck, even I saw the change in him! His convictions evoked something in every man and woman- young or old- persuading them to come out and VOTE.

My voting debut was the 2013 Delhi Assembly elections. It was 4th December 2013. I exuded the excitement of a first time voter. I walked into my polling centre confidently. I waited patiently in the queue for my turn. Upon my turn, I gave in my polling slip, got my finger inked (instagram moment!), and walked into the booth. I knew who I wanted to vote for. There was no uncertainty. NOTA was not an option. I pressed the button, holding my finger still, waiting for the beep, and the red light to shine. I kept on pressing it. I wanted it to be certain about who I wanted. It was only after the officer told me “your vote has been cast, let go”, I was thrilled. I walked out as if I was the queen of the world. I had voted for change.  

But come 2014, the political landscape became more electrifying than ever. No sooner had ‘show king’ Arvind Kejriwal become the CM of Delhi, he resigned amidst high drama. My Fcebook news feed was thronged with “Not so proud to have voted for AAP”, “A huge let down by AAP”.

Meanwhile, Rahul was struggling to find the ‘opportune’ time to come out with his own veneer of political personality. And Modi…even with a controversial past was now starting to emerge as the much-needed strong national leader. Many aunties and uncles, the dadi’s and nana’s and even the young and the restless, were beginning to get enthralled by the ‘Modi magic’.

But for me, in the midst of this political cacophony, all I could think about was a headline in The Guardian. “Most Young People are interested in politics but alienated by politicians”. This for my part, summed up the scenario: Three choices with no connect. Come, April 10th 2014 a complete reversal of emotions and feelings. Voting now seemed like a daunting task. I found myself lost in the whirlpool of political uncertainties. Suddenly, the process felt exceedingly unnerving. The walk to the polling booth had lost its confident stride. All through I kept on contemplating who I would vote for. Should I fall into the ‘wave of hope’ which Modi sarkar was proclaiming to promise? Or for the debutant rookie on a broom, Kejriwal? Or Congress again, this time led by the uninspired, bechara Rahul? Or should I just go with NOTA, which NOW seemed a plausible option!

This time around, entering the polling centre was less exciting and more painful. It was like entering the examination hall, going in for my Maths exam. Giving my Maths paper was always a daunting and nervous task. The same emotions of unpreparedness rushed in. I was confronted with a strange sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I had no idea who to vote for. Here I was, back again. That time I was affirmative, this time round my mind froze. The EVM looked like my 12th standard Board exam paper. The numbers and equations had been replaced by the party symbols and NOTA. I stared at them with anxiety and they stared back with fervor. The officers eyed me impatiently as they waited for me to cast my ‘vote’. I was swinging between two options- NOTA being one of them. Should I just go with it. Will that really in a true sense be contributing towards the well being of me and my country? Wouldn’t NOTA create an unsettling, inhospitable environment for us? I was so lost I even browsed through other party candidates on the list. With every confronting thought, NOTA kept getting bigger and bigger.

Eventually, I ignored the last option of NOTA and voted for the recognized second last. The sense of ambiguity was replaced with a feeling of hope. I gave the officer on duty one of my best smiles and walked out happy and satisfied. I had done justice to the opportunity, to the ink on my finger.

These two experiences made me realise one thing. We, as a voter, make emotional, intuitive decisions about who we prefer. Our emotions vacillate and our preferences keep on shifting.  But in the back of our mind we desire for change. We, the youth, are more daring in choosing a nayak with whom we relate. And I too feel proud, content and empowered to be a part of the coming change. Most of all I am just glad that as a ‘first’ timer, I am proud to have voted and not NOTA-ed.

About The Author

Shruti Vyas

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