Theory of Natural Rejection

Men of the world, it’s time to unite. Your chromosomes are in mortal peril. The Feminazis are out to get you

I woke up with a start, blaming it on a bad piece of chicken, when the newspapers confirmed it wasn’t indigestion but a premonition. Men or at least sex, screamed the headline, would soon be redundant. British scientists have figured out a way to make sperm cells out of stem cells and the technology could come into practice as early as five years, the journalist (a woman no doubt) wrote with undisguised zeal.

It’s entirely possible secret societies exist funding such research and they would do so standing over a pyre of burning bras, wearing hooded robes and holding pitchforks, vowing to not shave their legs till Earth had been ridden of the last of the men.

This study isn’t the only one. Australian Genetics Professor Jennifer Graves has spent a good part of her career hammering out an obituary of manhood. She has predicted that the Y chromosome, which is responsible for maleness, the formation of the sperm and the testes and the patience to lose every argument, would be gone, kaput, in five million years. Adding insult to injury, she insists that if the male of the species must live on, they must do so like voles (rats) of Europe and France—as men, but without the chromosome that make them the men they are.

As the Y chromosome is threatened, a larger question needs asked—do we really deserve it? Isn’t this just another link in the chain of wrongs men have endured, ever since women had us kicked out of paradise? True, feminists blame us for inventing the heel because of what it made their derrieres look like, but it was a woman who came up with the Barbie doll – that most unreasonable form of beauty ever. So what exactly are we being avenged against?

On behalf of my kinsfolk, I’d also like to protest the blatant disregard for Y’s contributions to evolution. Lest we forget, it started losing genes when it became man enough and took on the added responsibility of determining sexes, unlike the X chromosome.

Moreover, if we men are gone, I give women a maximum of two years. Can you imagine the anarchy if there are no men to blame for recession, nuclear wars, the toilet leaking or the daal burning. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a male chauvinist—I open the door for a woman and wait for her to pass first. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with a lady’s finger on the nuclear button. I just can’t take the absolute apathy shown towards us men—no NGOs working for the Y chromosome, no Save the Y movement and no Hollywood actresses posing naked for our cause. If we really have to be walking off into the sunset, shouldn’t there be at least a word of gratitude following us?

About The Author

Kabeer Sharma