It’s almost impossible but there’s one foolproof method.

It’s almost impossible but there’s one foolproof method.

It would be a heart of stone that doesn’t bleed for Ram Vilas Paswan. Here was a man who could not lose—who got a Guinness record for an incredible election margin, who was always minister no matter which ideology or party came to power, but, alas, who now, touched by the fickle finger of fate, finds himself a defeated man without a Lok Sabha seat for his party, not even his own. It’s a tragic tale and yet, with great reluctance, this question must be asked: what’s he still doing in a house paid for by me, the taxpayer?

The same must be asked of Mani Shankar Aiyar too. This was the man who, as panchayati raj minister, envisioned India writing its destiny through gram sabhas. When he lost the election and the ministry, it was apt that he retire to a village. But Aiyar stays on in metropolitan Delhi in a house I pay for. So do Renuka Chowdhury and Ram Jethmalani and Shankar Singh Vaghela, and many illustrious ex-minister squatters of Delhi.

“Once a politician enters a bungalow, he doesn’t want to leave. Time will come when most of these houses will become memorials,” was an acerbic comment by the Supreme Court last year. It said the Government had no will or guts to evict powerful squatters. But maybe the Government just doesn’t know how to. After all, they do try—there is a penalty for illegally occupying bungalows. Sometimes, as much as Rs 2 lakh per month. A recent report by the The Times of India quoted an official of the Directorate of Estates’ litigation division, where these cases are referred to, saying that existing fines was not enough of a deterrent.

But no matter what the quantum of fine, it still won’t work. Because a successful politician-squatter is never short of money. There is, however, an alternative, a foolproof one at that. It doesn’t require guts or will, just a minor tweaking of an existing law. What if the penalty was not money but votes. What if there was a rule that for every day a politician squats in a government bungalow, 5,000 votes will be taken out of his tally in the next Lok Sabha election. If the minister were fighting an Assembly election, let’s be fair, make the fine less punitive at 1,000 cancelled votes a day. And something similar for the Rajya Sabha too. Ram Vilas Paswan stays next to Sonia Gandhi in an equally spacious bungalow and that’s a powerful incentive for staying put. But chances are if you bring in the ‘vote for squat’ rule, he would be out of the gate with his handbag even before the eviction notice is put in the post box.

Nobody’s confirming it, but then, nobody’s denying it either. British rock star Mick Jagger is expected to make his way to Jodhpur this week for the third edition of Jodhpur Riff (Rajasthan International Folk Festival). A personal friend of the music festival’s patron Maharaja Gaj Singh, Jagger turned up for the first edition in 2007. Though his presence tends to overshadow Riff, the organisers have also lined up a list of impressive performances. These include Bollywood singer Rekha Bhardwaj (Genda Phool) with the traditional Maand singers of Rajasthan, Sivamani with Rajasthani artists on the nagada (kettle drums played with sticks), khartal (a pair of wooden blocks with jingles) and morchang (the Rajasthani version of the Jewish harp) and a duet between classical sarangi player Ustad Sultan Khan and folk sarangi player Lakha Khan Manganiyar. Another interesting act is by the freshly-formed band Dharohar, comprising Rajasthani folk artists in collaboration with DJ and beatboxer Jason Singh. There’s also a performance by Flamenco dancer Farruco accompanied on the guitar by Antonio Ray.

This is one butter chicken you need a bank loan to buy. The Anaarkali butter chicken, called ‘the classiest butter chicken on earth’ by its creators, is available to Hyderabad residents for a price of Rs 6,000. “I joke that it should cost more,” says IB Saxena, who cooked it up with his colleague Padma Prasad. Their experimentation with ingredients began eight years ago in Noida, when a local chef responsible for the tastiest butter chicken around quit work. They first made their own version once a week, scaling up to two, and sometimes three butter chickens a week. Anaarkali, with its exquisite ingredients—Evian water, for instance— was launched as a formal enterprise on 15 August. But the phone is yet to ring. “I don’t blame them,” Saxena says, “people need an endorsement.”

Imagine a long queue of aspiring bridegrooms in front of a doctor’s chamber to get erectile potency certificates. This could become a reality if a high-pitched campaign by veteran Tamil actress Manorama is successful. She wants the government to enact legislation making it mandatory for youth to declare their sexual potency, and furnish HIV negative certificates before marriage. She has already met the Tamil Nadu Chief Minister, Deputy Chief Minister and Health Minister on the matter. “In most cases, impotence gets noticed only after the couple gets married. Recently, a young girl sought Rs 1 crore compensation from her impotent husband. His parents knew of his condition before the marriage,” says Manorama. “Even a close family member underwent a similar fate. Impotence is a major factor in today’s life.” She is planning to campaign across Tamil Nadu and select cities elsewhere to press for legislation.

Murzban F Shroff, who wrote a book of short stories called Breathless in Bombay, nominated for the 2009 Commonwealth Prize, has been taken to court for a character in his book using the word ghati to describe Marathi-speaking residents. Activist Vijay Mudras has filed a case, saying this “lowers the reputation and image of Maharashtrians”. Shroff says his book was intended to “sensitise the haves to the have-nots around them”.

When the Smithsonian Institution in Washington DC defers to ‘the world’s most famous gemstone’, bonk us Indians on the heads for mistakenly-assuming they mean the Koh-i-Noor. We forget that America’s gem publicity machine centres around the 45-carat Hope Diamond, which was mined in our own Golconda and worn by royals in France and England. It’s been the Smithsonian’s star attraction ever since it was donated by Harry Winston Inc 50 years ago. On 24 September, for the first time ever, this blue teardrop, carefully prised out of its setting, was put on view. This is the first public glimpse of the naked Hope, which was on display till now as a triangular pendant surrounded by 16 white pear and cushion cut diamonds, suspended on a diamond necklace. Next spring, you get to see this violet jewel in a new setting, called Embracing Hope. For a view of what treasures lay within Golconda, take a route via Washington DC. But don’t plan on a heist, the Hope has been beset by a curse that dates back to the 1600s.