On Sunday night, those who watched the Filmfare Awards on television and then took a short nap and woke up early morning to see the live telecast of the Academy Awards, would have arrived at an irony: that the most irritating thing about watching Shah Rukh and Saif doing a damn good stand-up act was the interruption to announce the winners. But when it came to the Academy Awards, it was not Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, but the winners that they were waiting for.

There’s a little rider there. Filmfare Awards happened on 27 February, and 7 March was just the telecast.  But it’s still a fair certainty that no one really knew or cared about the winners. In fact, not even the actors themselves. Two of the nominees for the best actor award—Amitabh Bachchan and Aamir Khan stayed away from the awards ceremony. Amitabh Bachchan boycotted it because of his feud with Filmfare owners, the Times Group, after their tabloid Mumbai Mirror said his daughter-in-law Aishwarya Rai Bachchan had problems conceiving because of stomach tuberculosis. Aamir forswears all private award functions as having no credibility.

It’s not just films. Most awards in India have no legitimacy, starting from the most famous ones. The Padma Shri has gone to sexologists, practitioners of a subject that is not taught in medical colleges. But that’s still better than an NRI investigated for fraud winning  a premium award, as happened this year when Sant Singh Chatwal got a Padma Bhushan. In fact, Aamir Khan’s sense of probity is a tad hypocritical. He accepted his Padma award and that is equivalent to choosing one farce over another.

Awards will never be of any consequence in India because they will never be objective. They will never be objective because that is bad for business. A couple of years ago, when Ekta Kapoor found that Kyunkii Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi hadn’t been nominated for the Indian Television Academy Awards, she ordered her television actors not to perform in the show. The day of this year’s Filmfare awards, Amitabh wrote on his blog: ‘And we have informed Filmfare that neither will Aishwarya be performing at the event, for which all preparations had been made and neither shall any of us be attending…No coercion, just a voluntary decision of solidarity.’ 

It might not be coercion but Bachchan knew where to hit them where it hurts. Without stars, there is no entertainment. And without entertainment, which Indian in his right mind will watch an awards ceremony?

If you found American two-party politics a tad dull for your robust Indian multi-party palate, here’s news. After the much hyped Tea Party movement, there is now a counter Coffee Party movement. With over 100,000 fans on their Facebook page as of 9 March, it seems to going viral. In 2009, the Tea Party movement developed in response to US President Barack Obama’s colossal stimulus plan for the economy. Their objective was lowering taxes and smaller, more manageable, government. The first Tea Party convention was held in February this year with Sarah Palin a keynote speaker. The Coffee Party Movement (coffeepartyusa.com) began a few weeks ago in 2010 and believe the federal government ‘is not the enemy of the people.’ Their mission is to give voice to Americans who want to see co-operation in governance. There are almost 70 chapters across the US and one in Germany. The national coffee party convention day in 13 March.  What next, a cola party?

For years, organic food fanatics in Mumbai have appeased their palates with whatever chemical-free produce they could scavenge. Their luck is about to change. Mumbai will have its first farmers’ market on 21 March, hopefully followed up with one every Sunday thereafter. Organised by nutritionalist Kavita Mukhi, the produce is sourced from organically-certified farms. There will be 25 varieties of seasonal vegetables and 10 kinds of fruit, all sourced from farms in the Maharashtra region to reduce the distance between farm and fork. To date, India’s organic farmers have had little interest in supplying to cities because it wasn’t cost-effective and there just wasn’t enough demand. This is the first organised effort in Mumbai to overcome those obstacles.

Bad roads and an avalanche of vehicles creating monstrous jams are not exactly Bangalore’s secrets. The Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corporation (BMTC), along with concerned citizens, is now trying to give the city’s soot-covered riders a break with a unique initiative. Bangalore observed its first ‘Bus Day’ on 4 February. Nearly 10,000 office-goers gave their vehicles and tempers a break to bus it to work. That included the state transport minister R  Ashok. Riding on that crest, the BMTC has earmarked the fourth day of each month as ‘Bus Day’. It is also devising methods to make public transport more attractive.

The Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) has always been quick to ban or censure players. Often, these punishments are revoked soon enough. But what happened this week was dramatic even by Pakistan standards. In one stroke, the PCB felled several senior players for their dismal performance in Australia, where the team lost every match it played in the three formats of the game.

Nothing brings Pakistan cricket stability, not even success. Last June, Pakistan won the ICC World Twenty20. It was their biggest win since the 1992 World Cup triumph under Imran Khan. It hauled Pakistan cricket out of the crisis brought on by the terrorist attack on Sri Lankan cricketers last March. But then came the traumatic tour of Australia.

What makes it worse for Pakistan is that the PCB is as rash and unpredictable as its players. How is it rational to ban veteran batsman Mohammad Yousuf and former captain Younis Khan for life?

The person that Pakistan fans want to see the back of is Ijaz Butt, former wicket-keeper and an unpopular PCB chairman. He could have salvaged his reputation by taking responsibility for the defeat in Australia and vacating his seat. But there is no sign of it. That is how things are in Pakistan. Unless you have the deeds and integrity of Imran Khan, you are at the mercy of tyrants.