It is true that when a product is made using vast amounts of money, there will be strenuous efforts to sell it. It is also true that human beings, no matter how many trails they blazed, will grow old and decrepit. Both truths are unconnected unless you are Akshay Kumar selling his next movie.

Recently, the Kumar-Who-Wants-To-Be-Khan went visiting RK Laxman, the most famous cartoonist India has ever produced and creator of the enduring Common Man. Akshay behaved with utmost respect and held a book while Laxman scribbled something on it. It would have been a nice little gesture given that Laxman has had a series of strokes and is an invalid in a Mumbai hospital. But then came the kick-off: the next day, there were photos in a newspaper of Akshay and Laxman, with an accompanying article about the star playing the Common Man in his forthcoming film, Khatta Meetha.

It would take a blind man to not find something distasteful about it, and led to one film critic, Rajeev Masand of CNN-IBN, calling Akshay a jackass, largely due to his toothy grin, whose design, it must be admitted in Akshay’s defence, is something human beings have little control over. Masand’s observation led to another drama where Amitabh Bachchan found not the act of using a hospitalised person to promote a film tasteless, but the calling of Akshay a jackass, and he tweeted about it. We can discount Amitabh because he was only fuelling his usual obsession with media behaviour, but still, the incident is not as black and white as it seems. 

Though a smile does not a jackass make, neither does a seemingly distasteful act tell you why it is wrong. For, what exactly was objectionable in what Akshay did? He surely had the consent of Laxman’s family. Who among the interested parties comes out unhappy in the deal—not Akshay, not the filmmakers, neither Laxman’s kin or even Laxman.

But here is the niggling nub: would the visit have taken place if there was no movie, and no promise of publicity? Wasn’t this then a commercial transaction, at least from Akshay’s end? In which case, is it not only fair that Laxman, who in effect is helping sell tickets, gets paid? If Akshay does that, then it is perfectly alright. Otherwise, it is not. Were Laxman able to, quite possibly he would have seen the irony of it and perhaps even drawn the Common Man with a jackass grin.

One of the biggest hauls of fake Indian currency notes has been recovered in Kathmandu. The loot, worth Rs 29 lakh, was followed from the airport and grabbed by the special intelligence unit of the Crime Investigation Department of Nepal Police from Grand Hotel in the capital. The notes had been smuggled into Nepal from Abu Dhabi in the UAE and were to be handed over to an unidentified racketeer in Kathmandu, according to Press Liaison Officer Kedar Dhakal. To date, security officials have managed to seize Indian and Nepali fake notes worth at least Rs 3.2 crore in nine separate raids since April 2009. Police, though, highlighted the lack of state-of-the-art technology at Tribhuvan International Airport, which can only detect arms and ammunition, not currency notes.

This is Trinamool Chief Mamata Banerjee’s prescription for a perfect start to a day: chant ‘Maa, Mati, Manush’ six times after getting out of bed every morning! Addressing the 18th Karmachari Sabha (office-bearers meet) of her party recently, Mamata told the 10,000 strong crowd to chant ‘Maa, Mati, Manush Zindabad’ and ‘Maa, Mati, Manush Dhonyobad’ three times in the morning to have a perfect day. ‘Maa, Mati, Manush’, loosely translated, means ‘Mother, Land and People’. The slogan was adopted by Mamata from a hugely successful Bengali play of the same name in the mid-1970s. Trinamool members at the weekend meet were amused by her exhortation, but kept silent because the lady followed her missive with further advice: “Before you say anything foolish, think twice.”

Friendship has been added to the list of commodities you can purchase. Newly started North American company Rent a Friend now permits someone to hire a friend or rent out their friendship, starting from $10 an hour. Aimed at anyone from busy professionals with no time to socialise, people new in town, to the lonely, the service already has more than 200,000 ‘friends’ up for rent. Anticipating accusations of it being a thinly-veiled escort service, they have stated, ‘There is no physical contact at all during the time you spend with a member! You are there to provide friendship only.’ Friends who sign themselves up for rent can specify their rates. With social networking sites like Friendster and Facebook, and now Rent a Friend, friendship has become the best business to bet on.

Sensing a political opportunity, the Congress has joined Shiv Sena and Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) in demanding a permanent ban on the controversial book Shivaji: A Hindu King in Islamic India. Written by James Laine, the book reportedly has objectionable references to Shivaji’s parentage. Recently, the Supreme Court (SC) lifted a ban on this book. Shiv Sena Executive President Uddhav Thackeray, MNS President Raj Thackeray and now the President of Maharashtra Pradesh Congress Committee Manikrao Thakre, have all declared that they will not allow the book to be sold in Maharashtra, in spite of the SC ruling. They have also  warned bookstores against stocking it.

Maharashtra’s minister for home RR Patil (of the NCP) has even announced that the book’s printer, Oxford University Press, has assured him that it will not print any more copies. Playing to the saffron gallery, Chief Minister Ashok Chavan too has declared that the book will never be sold in Maharashtra. 

Interestingly, the descendants of Chhatrapati Shivaji have not reacted to the controversy. Though some years ago Chhatrapati Udayanraje Bhosale—13th direct descendant of the Maratha king—had said that he would file a defamation suit against Laine, the threat has not materialised. The silence is strange as he is Satara’s sitting MP (of the NCP) (Shivaji’s descendants ruled from Satara.) The apex court has come down strongly on the Maharashtra government’s decision to ban the book. It has termed the forfeiture of the book as invalid and said that the effect of words cannot be judged by weak minds. 

According to sources, leading bookstores will seek police protection to stock the book as they fear vandalism by political parties.

The floods in Punjab and Haryana are probably the worst since 1988. That does not, however, mean that there have been no floods since 1988. Every year, the Ghaggar river swells up and the waters breach its banks, submerging homes, affecting livelihoods, and, in some cases, causing deaths. This year, the death toll is close to 36. So far.

The floods haven’t caught the states unawares. It is just that their governments have chosen to do nothing about it. The Ghaggar, interestingly, is a river that dries up when it is not raining. Repairing the banks is easy at such times.

That the river has weak banks is no secret. In Patiala alone, which is the worst affected district in Punjab, there have been over 30 breaches in the river’s banks. The district administration had identified almost all of these sensitive points and written to the state government in April, much before the rains began, seeking Rs 3 crore for repairs. The plea was turned down as exorbitant. And now, after dozens have died, the state is spending Rs 10 crore on the same repairs.

Estimates of losses vary. But none peg these below Rs 1,500 crore. About 2,000 km of roads in the two states have been damaged, and worse, as much as one-fifth of the paddy cultivation in the two states could have been destroyed. It was procurement in the two states last year that kept rice prices in check. With so much of the standing crop destroyed, prices are only going to rise post-harvest.

The Centre has now cobbled up a team to assess the flood situation, and ascertain the amount of financial assistance and relief that the Centre should provide. The Centre had already asked the two states to utilise Rs 3,500 crore from the Calamity Relief Fund for flood relief. Punjab will get a little over Rs 2,300 crore of this money, and Haryana, the rest. Ironically, about three years ago, the Punjab government had written to the Centre seeking a similar amount for repairing the state’s canals and irrigation system. Punjab’s logic was that since it had contributed more than any other state to the country’s food bowl and buffer stocks using water, its only natural resource, it needed to be compensated. The plea was, of course, dismissed as a ‘political gimmick’ by the Centre.