Think of the Parents Too

Legalising an adopted child’s `right to know´ about his biological parents is short-sighted and disruptive.

The Supreme Court recently directed an NGO to reveal the identity of the biological mother to her son who had been put up for adoption. The 37-year-old, who is now a German citizen, had been seeking her out ever since he was told he was adopted. The NGO complied with the court order with great reluctance, and showed him the adoption papers. And the man used it to track down his mother.

Nothing wrong with this, say many. But for adoptive parents in the country, the order is a matter of concern. It could set a trend and other adopted children might start seeking their biological parents. As someone who has adopted a baby, I shudder to think of her growing up and wanting to know who her real mother is. Even at this point, when she’s just a year old, I know that I will be devastated.

This man started a search for his mother nearly 15 years ago. His biological mother has a husband and children. What happens now? Will they keep in touch? How will the family of his biological mother take to this revelation via a Supreme Court order?

What the Supreme Court order does not factor in is the upheaval this might cause in the lives of both sets of parents—the biological ones and the adoptive ones. Many say the child has the right to know about its biological parents. I disagree. If that truth changes—and it might—the lives of the many involved and results in bitterness, heartbreaks, even family break-ups, isn’t it better that it stays secret?

When adoptions are done, agencies are bound by a confidentiality clause to not reveal the identity of the biological mother. That contract is also being broken here.

There is only a small percentage of parents who tell their adopted children the truth. The majority choose to keep it secret. While many argue this is not right, others feel the child should know only one history—that you are its parents. And these questions cannot really be examined through the prism of logic and law.

Howevermuch Indian society has developed, we are still not kind to adopted children. Introduce a child as ‘adopted’, and just see how it sets off intrusive, voyeuristic probing into tidbits about the child’s past. Parents who have adopted kids experience this all the time.

In addressing the adopted child’s ‘right to know’, the court order glosses over the legitimate concerns of parents.

About The Author

Haima Deshpande