I remember the first time I had sex—I still have the receipt. The girl was alive, as far as I could tell, she was warm and she was better than nothing. She cost me £20.
I was 16 then and I’m 47 now. I have spent 25 years throwing my money and heart at tarts. I have slept with every nationality in every position in every country. From high-class call girls at £1,000 a pop to the meat-rack girls of Soho at £15, I have probably slept with more than 1,300 prostitutes, at a cost of £115,000.
I am a connoisseur of prostitution: I can take its bouquet, taste it, roll it around my mouth, give you the vintage. I have used brothels, saunas, private homes from the Internet and ordered girls to my flat prompt as pizza. While we are on the subject, I have also run a brothel. And I have been a male escort. I wish I was more ashamed. But I’m not. I love prostitutes and everything about them. And I care about them so much I don’t want them to be made legal.
In English brothels you shuffle into a seedy room so dim you can only meet the girl by Braille. But in New York last year I sat on a four-poster bed while 10 girls paraded in front of me one by one, like bowls of sushi on a carousel. “Hi,” they would say, “I’m Tiffany”, “I’m Harmony”, “I’m Michelle”, and I would rise and kiss them. It was so touching, so sweet, so kind. There should always, no matter what, be politeness. It is the way the outside world should work, selfishly but honestly.
The great thing about sex with whores is the excitement and variety. If you say you’re enjoying sex with the same person after a couple of years, you’re either a liar or on something. Of all the sexual perversions, monogamy is the most unnatural. Most of our affairs run the usual course. Fever. Boredom. Trapped. This explains much of the friction in our lives—love being the delusion that one woman differs from another. But with brothels there is always the exhilaration of not knowing what you’re going to get.
The problem with normal sex is that it leads to kissing and pretty soon you’ve got to talk to them. Once you know someone well the last thing you want to do is screw them. I like to give, never to receive; to have the power of the host, not the obligation of the guest. I can stop writing this and within two minutes I can be chained, in the arms of a whore. I know I am going to score and I know they don’t really want me. And within 10 minutes I am back writing. What I hate are meaningless and heartless one-night stands where you tell all sorts of lies to get into bed with a woman you don’t care for. The worst things in life are free. Value seems to need a price tag. How can we respect a woman who doesn’t value herself? When I was young I used to think it wasn’t who you wanted to have sex with that was important, but who you were comfortable with socially and spiritually. Now I know that’s rubbish. It’s who you want to have sex with that’s important. In the past I have deceived the women I have been with. You lie to two people in your life; your partner and the police. Everyone else gets the truth.
Part of me used to enjoy the deception. There was something about the poverty of desire with one’s girlfriend. Sex without betrayal I found meaningless. Without cruelty there was no banquet. Having a secret life is exhilarating. I also have problems with unpaid-for sex. I am repulsed by the animality of the body, by its dirt and decay. The horror for me is the fact that the sublime, the beautiful and the divine are inextricable from basic animal functions. For some reason money mitigates this. Because it is anonymous. What I hate with women generally is the intimacy, the invasion of my innermost space, the slow strangulation of my art. The writer chained for life to the routine of a wage slave and the ritual of copulation. When I love somebody, I feel sort of trapped. Three years ago, I was saved. I found a girl whom I could fall in love with… and sleep with prostitutes with. She sends me to brothels to sleep with women for her. I buy her girls for her birthday and we go to whorehouses together. I am free forever from the damp, dark prison of eternal love.
A prostitute exists outside the establishment. She is either rejected by it or in opposition to it, or both. It takes courage to cross this line. She deserves our respect, not our punishment. And certainly not our pity or prayers.
Of course, the general feeling in this country [the UK] is that the man is somehow exploiting the woman, but I don’t believe this. In fact, the prostitute and the client, like the addict and the dealer, is the most successfully exploitative relationship of all. And the most pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no squalid power game. The man is not taking and the woman is not giving. The whore fuck is the purest fuck of all.
Why does a sleazy bastard like me like whores so much? Why pay for it? The problem is that the modern woman is a prostitute who doesn’t deliver the goods. Teasers are never pleasers; they greedily accept presents to seal a contract and then break it. At least the whore pays the flesh that’s haggled for. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
But it is more than this. What I want is the sensation of sex without the boredom of its conveyance. Brothels make possible contacts of astounding physical intimacy without the intervention of personality. I love the artificial paradise; the anonymity; using money, the most impersonal instrument of intimacy to buy the most personal act of intimacy. Lust over love, sensation over security, and to fall into a woman’s arms without falling into her hands.
Having an instinctive sympathy for those condemned by conventional society, I wanted to cross the line myself. To pay for sex is to strip away the veneer of artifice and civilisation and connect with the true animal nature of man. Some men proudly proclaim that they have never paid for it. Are they saying that money is more sacred than sex?
But one of the main reasons I enjoy prostitutes is because I enjoy breaking the law—another reason I don’t want brothels made legal. There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it desirable. When I have dinner every evening in Soho I always think: isn’t scampi delicious—what a pity it isn’t illegal. I’m sure I am not alone in this. Even Adam himself did not want the apple for the apple’s sake; he wanted it only because it was forbidden.
As for the girls, the argument is that making it legal will somehow make it safer, but Soho has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. Anyway, crime and risk are part of the texture of life. Indeed, Freud tells us: ‘Life loses interest when the highest stake in the game of living, life itself, may not be risked.’ Risk is what separates the good part of life from the tedium.
I decided to ask my Claudia, my favourite prostitute. I first spotted her in the street in Knightsbridge ten years ago and was so taken by her haunted beauty that I decided to follow her. There was an air of great quality about Claudia. The faces of English girls look as if there is not enough material to go round. They have thin lips and papery eyelids, box jawbones, prominent Adam’s apples and withered hearts. Claudia looks Mediterranean—her lips are full and curly, her nostrils flared, her eyes black and as big as saucers.
She walked and I stalked all the way to Soho and down Brewer Street. No. No way. She couldn’t be! She turned, and walked into a brothel. I couldn’t believe it. I could fuck Raquel Welch for £25.
When I ask if she wants prostitution legalised, she reacts violently: “No way! I tried to take a regular job a few months ago. After tax and national insurance I was left with practically nothing. So I came back here. On a good day here I can take £500. I don’t have a pimp, so after paying the overheads and the maid I’ve got more than enough.” There you are. Income tax has made more liars out of the British people than prostitution.
I know a little bit about the business side. Some years ago I became a madam and a male escort. I turned one of the rooms in my flat in Shepherd Market into a knocking shop and joined an escort agency. I went into prostitution looking for love, not money. That said, I always took cash. The women wanted company, someone willing to please at the midnight hour, and straight sex. It was nerve-wracking wondering if I was going to be able to get it up or get on, but at least I had a valid reason for liking my lovers—they paid me. I didn’t care if someone called me a whore and a pimp.
So you see, I have always been a prostitute by sympathy. As for the rest of society, prostitution is the mirror of man, and man has never been in danger of becoming bogged down in beauty. So why don’t we leave it alone? Or learn to love it, like me? Sex is one of the most wholesome, spiritual and natural things money can buy. And like all games, it becomes more interesting when played for money. And even more so when it is illegal.
Hookers and drunks instinctively understand that common sense is the enemy of romance. Will the bureaucrats and politicians please leave us some unreality. I know what you are thinking. That it’s all very well for people like me to idealise whores and thieves; to think that the street is somehow noble and picturesque; I have never had to live there. But so what? One day I will. Until such time, I have to pay for it. How else would someone young, rich and handsome get sex in this city? Yes, yes, I know. Prostitution is obscene, debasing and disgraceful. The point is, so am I.
(Reprinted with permission from the author)
OLDER COMMENTS FIRST
40 COMMENTS
Permalink
What a boring article by an attention deprived super moron. Is this what British civilization has come to? Is this futurism? Must media also give him a blowjob (a party that is over)?
Permalink
Man I just got a culture shock.. The man is talking based on London and Britain and Soho may be crime free.. But what about other countries? Where the idea of prostitution is completely different, where HIV is spreading mainly due to bad conditions in brothels..
Yes you are obscene, debasing and disgraceful. Also unreasonable.. Just some rich spoilt brat.. Since you mentioned Freud, I'm guessing you were never breastfed.. And just coz you love prostitutes and want to save them from tax laws don't think for one minute that you respect women.. Freak!
Permalink
Thank you for this brilliant article.
So many great insights.
"There should always be politeness." Yes.
"Isn't scampi delicious - what a pity it isn't illegal." Yes.
"No. No way! She couldn't be!" Excellent, excellent; I recognised myself in this story - it is a delight I have shared several times.
I too have enjoyed hundreds of whores - not yet a thousand, but it is only a matter of time. It is one of the great, tasty, juicy pleasures of life, and one of the most civilised, like a good leatherbound book or well-aged cheese. When I visit a new city, i don't feel I truly know it until I have coupled with a prostitute from that place.
Going to the tiresome effort of bedding a woman without payment is a waste of energy; and even when the woman approaches me with a view to bedding me, which happens often, I will not stoop to it. I have not slept with a woman without a transaction taking place for years and years, and have no intention of doing so. Being with a warm whore is a pleasant, happy, innocent, honest and good-natured experience; and one I intend to repeat regularly for the rest of my days.
Permalink
Ah, yes. "Other countries". Where wogs live, presumably, seeing as how us third world barbarians are too fucking stupid to understand how to use a condom...
I live in a third world nation - Brazil - and am a prostitution researcher. Working conditions in our country for sex labor are by and large BETTER than those found in most of Europe. This is going on the several dozen prostitutes I've interviewed who've worked in both Brazil and urope.
So please keep your racist condenscension about "other countries" to yourself, dearie. You're the kind of Brit who's probably never got beyond Southampton unless it was on a paaying tour.
AIDS spreads by sex, sweetie and guess what? In those countries where people DO have trouble getting condoms, they don`t stop having sex outside of brothels. Subsaharan Africa has one of the largest HIV rates on the planet and it wasn`t brothels that did this.
While I disagree with much of what the author says, I DO agree that there`s nothing more sleazy or exploitative in what he does than what the average man does at the average pick-up joint you currently favor - or may have favored in the past.
And yes, unfortunately he is correct when he claims that, by and large, men pay for female company the world over - whether it`s in brothels or not.
As long as women believe that sex is something that should be paid for - whatever the coin - we will have prostitution. And from where I`m sitting, all I can say is that the feminist revolution seems to be creating more demand for MALE prostitutes for FEMALE het clients.
So whatch how you throw stones my dear. 20 years from now, it may be you paying for some cabana boy to give you sexual fulfillment.
Permalink
I think you missed something. Sex with women is satisfying only to the extent that the heart is involved. Us Anglo males grow up in a society that puts sex at the top and romance a distant second place. It should be the other way around.
Prostitutes, in giving intimacy by using money to circumvent the heart, end up putting up a wall around their heart and close themselves off. Men who use prostitutes do the same - the heart is out of the equation. You are a great writer and yes, I too have experienced that when something is forbidden it is much sweeter. But I just steal kisses without asking. That's my crime. The sex I bring home to my wife. Once I gave money to a whore in Colombia just to kiss her and dance but it was not as good as doing the same in daily society.
The hollywood myth of the big-hearted whore is false. It is interesting that your peak experiences with whores seems to have been when you share heart based simplicity and ease. But hey, once the ejaculation comes, we soon regret it - but romance can go on and on, creating an intoxication of endorphins that is addicting!
Why else would Nobel Prize winning novelist Gabriel Garcia Marquez state in his latest novel (a novel about Whores!), called Memories of my Melancholy Whores, that "Sex is a consolation for those to whom love has not arrived."
Permalink
I smell serious mommy issues.
In an era when the greatest number of human beings are enslaved for sexual service, his glorification of his addiction has the bravado of a asbo recipient.
So sad.
Permalink
"Of all the sexual perversions, monogamy is the most unnatural. Most of our affairs run the usual course. Fever. Boredom. Trapped. This explains much of the friction in our lives—love being the delusion that one woman differs from another."
It's no wonder that you don't see differences between women. You're only considering things that have to do with sex. The interesting bit is not so much what human feelings you want to deny in them, but what you want to deny in yourself. So, you've been disappointed by women that weren't thinking about you in terms of sex only? Well, why don't you just put some fucking effort into it and quit whining that they're all whores. You're just acting like a little brat that doesn't get everything he wants... because things just aren't the way you'd like them to be in your fantasy world. Playing adults' games doesn't quite cut it when it comes to spiritual and psychological satisfaction. Perhaps you need to reassess your values before you can start enjoying the real deal, which can never be measured in terms of money.
Permalink
"Of course, the general feeling in this country [the UK] is that the man is somehow exploiting the woman, but I don't believe this."
Tell that to the many Thai girls tricked into the sex trade every year with claims of a job abroad who, who, even if they escape cannot return to their families because of the shame that's been brought upon them!
Permalink
Thanks a ton to Open
This article was as enlightening as Ayn rand's books or Socrates Philosophy
I m 21 yrs guy who havent had sex { sorry i had with one..!)
And i Had it 2nd 3 rd 7 th time (last time)
Frankly i m not interested for 8 th time with the same... i can feel the lack of variety in it or in being monogamous ...!
Fact is i realized rather say i dares to realize
whereas others cease them selves from doing so...!
I m happy for me and will be more happy to read article like this with Tweaking Creative enlightenment
Thanks "Open" for 'Open'ing like a fountain
Permalink
Because of financial reasons, I spent two years working as an escort (in America). It was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life.
Attractive, socially adept men do not need to use prostitutes, therefore usually the only men that frequently used the escort service were old, or had the personality of a wet towel, or unfortuantely ugly, or were fattened married men who were bitter because their wives had lost their girlish figures after their 3rd child or who didn't allow anal sex.
I hated them. Each and every one of them. The agency pimp however received many good reviews about me because I was always polite and sweet and acted like I enjoyed my job (I didn't). So I always had calls whenever I clocked in.
After two years I quit. I had solved my financial problem and I couldn't bear one more disgusting example of the typical escort patron. I have a good job now and I no longer feel like vomiting when collecting my pay.
It took even longer for me to get over my distrust and dislike of men. I've had a boyfriend now for 3 years. Unlike what the author of this article thinks, I don't expect my boyfriend to bring me jewels or spend all his money on me. I like it best when he comes over and we both cook dinner and have a quiet evening in watching movies.
I understand how some women enjoy working as a prostitute. Nonetheless, there is nothing "pure" about it, 90% of the men are nasty, and at the end of the day, you feel as though you were a piece of meat sold at the market.
Permalink
This guy is such a po-mo Oscar Wilde. Snore.
Permalink
He makes some valid points as well as the strange ones. Calling him names or any other verbal abuse betrays a lack of being able to see the bigger picture(s), sex is a two way thing unless it is genuine rape.
Permalink
What a pile of pretentious writer hooey. LOLOL. Still, good luck with it. (ps. I have hooker friends though I am not one. They consider themselves to be writers, too. I think one in particular is better at it than you.)
Permalink
First impression: Superb article, a truly great writer...had me going there!
Second impression: After reading "Randy Spencer's" sobering comments above,
I came back to earth, and everything I personally believe in.
Makes me think: this article, like seeing a great movie has nothing to do with reality,
but is great entertainment.
Stoked I understand the difference!
Permalink
European/British men are the weakest of the species. This isn't a racist implication but a cultural one. Between Hans asking the state for breast milk, and Nigel here portraying "whoring" as a more meaningful experience, I am not surprised to here that someday European nations will have Islamic majorities. No wonder your women are flocking to the caribbean and every other tourist destination in search of manhood.
Permalink
I count at least four famous "borrowed" quotations in this piece. At least have the decency to source the wittier folks you're ripping off...sheesh.
Permalink
"What I hate are meaningless and heartless one-night stands" - that's exactly you get when you sleep with prostitutes. They want money, you want a shag, nothing else.
Permalink
Why not just masturbate? It'd be a whole lot cheaper, cleaner and less risky? And the variety is limited only by your imagination.
Permalink
What a great article. it expresses the author's experience, and his preferences in an almost poignant way. Much props for providing a different point of view, even if people don't agree with your opinion.
We all like to judge how prostitution is disgusting and all, but it's really just another industry. Like any other service provider (plumbers, masseurs, lawyers) they make a living by providing value using the tools that they've got. For the most part, these people make the decision to become prostitutes: they CHOSE to sell their bodies, while others CHOSE to purchase (in Australia, the prostitute has a right to refuse service). It's consensual, it's adult and it's honest (which is more than i can say for used car salesmen).
Someone made the comment about the Thai sex trade, and let's not forget about the child sex trade as well. This doesn't have anything to do with prostitution, despite its similarities- these trades are the abhorrent acts of the worst kind of exploiters. The analogous equivalent of the thieves selling stolen goods, and the scummy people who buy them. Let's not confuse them with the honest, hardworking whores and their customers.
In the end, it all boils down to meaningless sex, which happens everywhere. Take for example a one-night stand with a stranger from a bar- how exactly does the involvement of money make it worse?
Permalink
I'm curious...how does someone who purportedly slept with 1,300+ different women over 31 years (an average of nearly 1 per week) know anything about monogamy? Having never engaged in prostitution (on either side of the bill), I have always assumed it was obscene, debasing and disgraceful. I thank the author for confirming my suspicions. I suspect that very few people would be more qualified to opine on the topic than the author; but as for the topic of monogamy, I suspect that the author is one of the least qualified people to opine.
As someone who is having sex with the same person "after a couple of years" (my wife), has only ever had sex with one person, and never had sex before my marriage, allow me to wholeheartedly disagree with the author's ignorant assertion that "If you say you’re enjoying sex with the same person after a couple of years, you’re either a liar or on something." It is still enjoyable every time (and several times a week). And for the record, I'm neither lying nor am I on something.
It is the author's prerogative to sleep with all of the prostitutes he'd like. However, I'd sooner trust an actor's take on politics or the economy than I would trust the take of a "connoisseur of prostitution" on monogamy.
Permalink
I'm glad that the author is pleased with himself and his participation in prostitution, but the sad truth is that prostituted women, no matter how much they smile and act like they enjoy your company, have among the highest rates of trauma of any group of people...looks like it's not as fun for them as it is for the customer.
Permalink
Unlike my fellow commentators, fortunately, the author of this article posses a logical consistency of philosophy not often found in today's postmodernist society. He nails the exact flaw of monogamist relationships when supported from anything other than a morally obejectivist point of view.
Lacking the external motivation of positive ethical and emotional influence, postmodernist (and modern materialist) philosophical systems emphasize the promotion of individual gratification over that of interpersonal edification through an objective adherence to an external (and necessarily theist) moral system.
The author effectively identifies the most efficient system of personal, individual self promotion in regards of conjugal relations.That is, specifically, the exchange of sexual intimacy for monetary compensation. If you accept that human existential measure of reality is the ultimate measure of reality, this author's conclusions of human sexuality is THE ONLY logical conclusion one you may accept. All other are an anachronism.
Permalink
Unlike my fellow commentators, fortunately, the author of this article posses a logical consistency of philosophy not often found in today's postmodernist society. He nails the exact flaw of monogamist relationships when supported from anything other than a morally obejectivist point of view.
Lacking the external motivation of positive ethical and emotional influence, postmodernist (and modern materialist) philosophical systems emphasize the promotion of individual gratification over that of interpersonal edification through an objective adherence to an external (and necessarily theist) moral system.
The author effectively identifies the most efficient system of personal, individual self promotion in regards of conjugal relations.That is, specifically, the exchange of sexual intimacy for monetary compensation. If you accept that human existential measure of reality is the ultimate measure of reality, this author's conclusions of human sexuality is THE ONLY logical conclusion one you may accept. All other are an anachronism.
Permalink
The more important question is this: Why are you publishing a 5-year-old British newspaper piece? This ran in the Observer on 19 September 2004, as you are surely aware. Why waste precious space publishing someone else's half-decade-old article?
Permalink
This author's life is probably a lot like this article. Intriguing at first, then horribly tedious and repetitive.
Live by the sword, die by the sword, it's been said. There's a reason why this guy needs prostitutes to enjoy himself. I like to think that sex fades as a priority in most men's lives as they mature, and that the desire to be desired takes precedence over friction and sweat. This author is a blowhard, clearly.
Permalink
Wow, a 1500-word euphemism for a severe intimacy disorder. There's a distinct scent of sex addiction, too.
Have fun, my friend... but know that your house of cards will fall eventually. Cheers!
Permalink
Check out Happy Endings? a documentary film on Asian massage parlors in Rhode Island where prostitution is legal.
http://www.happyendingsdoc.com
The documentary follows the lives of women in Asian massage parlors in RI, as Politicians, Johns, a Woman Studies Professor, Police, the ACLU, community groups, and residents engage in a debate over changing the “loophole” in the law that allows for prostitution “behind closed doors”.
Permalink
Interesting how a self-confessed sleaze projects dishonesty onto other people. Yes, I've been with the same man for many years. The sex only gets better, for both of us. Don't knock it just because it doesn't work for you.
Permalink
Quite a logical stance for a time when commerce hits emotions. Nevertheless, I'd be interested in how the women see this relation.
Natalya, http://fairlove.eu/
Permalink
"Sex without betrayal I found meaningless. Without cruelty there was no banquet. Having a secret life is exhilarating. I also have problems with unpaid-for sex. I am repulsed by the animality of the body, by its dirt and decay. The horror for me is the fact that the sublime, the beautiful and the divine are inextricable from basic animal functions. For some reason money mitigates this. Because it is anonymous. What I hate with women generally is the intimacy, the invasion of my innermost space, the slow strangulation of my art"
yep this guy's arole model
Permalink
Great and well written piece on sex and life.
I agree falling into her arms not her hands, women shouldn't control anything solely, it should be half and half. Here in the states, don't know why most guys don't have them chickens go prenuptial.
Just a thought.
Peace, and to the worker who hated her job, why stay for two years then??!?!?
This is your halve...
It took you two years to get out fo debt?
What were you in business with, auto industry???!
*finger*
Permalink
Mr Horsley, Mr Anonymous Utilitarian Philosopher (the ONLY LOGICAL guy), ladies and gentlemen,
If sexual gratification, in isolation of everything else, is the whole objective, and rationality lies in maximizing it with the least fuss, then you should be led to group sex, or at least multiple women in bed (or wherever) together with you, Khajuraho style (Google it if you must). You make no mention of this, presumably because you think that would be off limits. Why? In your logic frame, is it because you subject your maximization drive to practical/social/ethical constraints? Or is it because simultaneous sex with multiple partners, for it to meet the objective, happens to require a high degree of social compatibility and cooperation amongst them which cannot be assured by anonymously picked hookers?
Just curious about your reasoning, experience in the area etc. Mr Horsley, kindly do respond. This is a serious query. If you commit yourself to any discussion on your sexual extravagance, you surely owe us a reply.
Permalink
I am indeed stunned. I read about halfway through this article before I realized what an arrogant prick this fellah is. At least he admits is - not so much to actually call himself a prick, but everything he's written points to that. Perhaps the reason that you have to purchase sex is because no woman who didn't charge for sex will have anything to do with you. Sir, please... stop using condoms.
Permalink
in the second part of this article he talks about his genitals and the various stds he's had to live with... hahaha
Permalink
common sense is the enemy of romance...I like that.
Funny observations, but bit cynical about women and love...wonder how one can miss the best gift even a woman can offer...in spite of being with 1300 of them?
Permalink
Fantastic piece of original writing!
Permalink
Its a different perspective and an interesting one too! Don’t approve or condemn-each one to his own! Fortunately we live in a world that can accommodate many of our idiosyncrasies & I wouldn’t be concerned unless the idiosyncrasies become a social menace. While I am tempted by this concept of variety; I would not blatantly seek it in the way it’s been endorsed. Perhaps it’s the underlying difference between the genders.
Permalink
I wonder if prostitution will still hold its charm for you if it were to become socially acceptable.....
Permalink
Yeah. definately some mommy issues , you seem to have a problem letting anybody get close to you, Honestly, i pity you, you. dont get me wrong, im glad you have found a way to live with your pain, too bad it's at such a price.
i dont know much about the industry but i think legalization would add security to the industry, not to mention how much money the government would make by taxing the industry... however it's not going to stop illegal ventures such as child-prostitution unfortunately. there will always be a market for the illegal.
also monogamy is not completely unnatural. there are other animals on earth that are monogamous as well. you should look it up. our civilization as well has turned towards monogamy probably for the reason of progression. if we are constantly fighting and killing one another to have mroe mates then we as a species would probably not progress as we have technologically.
Permalink
I think the author has some interesting thoughts that are merely food for thought! In reality however, I don't think I could ever live by his mantra. No doubt sex is primeval and a basic human need (not just for men, but even women), but there needs to be some fidelity to the act. And I guess that originates from the notion that for some people love and sex might be two different things/emotions while for others, like myself, love and sex are intertwined and hence the call for fidelity! The way I think of it is that if 2 people cannot commit their bodies (which should probably be one the most dearest things to them), then how can they be expected to commit to anything else. That said, I don't see a problem with people who might explore for a good sexual partner before they commit into a relationship, because lets face it - good sex is amazing!
Referring to the author's belief that sex with whores is exciting - I'm sure it is. Yet, I believe that most capable people can please their partners for the first time, because its always exciting, no matter what or who it is with (be it your lover or a hooker)! I think the challenge lies in pleasing the same woman over and over again! As for thrill, I find a more rewarding thrill in overcoming a challenge than merely avoiding it and finding a new fuck!
I do agree with the author on the fact that monogamy is rare in all of animal kingdom. But I also think the reason why animals like humans, wolves and several primate species diverted towards monogamy is due to their extensive cortical functions, that enables them to think, plan, remember, imagine, re-live etc. This ability brings emotional baggage along with it... And I think it is also evolutionary to avoid pain/suffereing whether physical or emotional. These are merely my instant speculations on the topic and hence very incomplete. Additionally, the competition that mate-selection would bring about if we were non-monogamous, as the previous post alludes to, there would indeed be lots of fighting and killing - hence the tendency towards monogamy!
Besides, I always found a problem with such comparison to the other animals; we seem to choose and approve of animal acts that we ourselves might struggle with (be it monogamy, homosexuality or some other practice). What I'm trying to illustrate is the fact that many animals mate with their immediate family, they have hierarchies, some of them even cannibalize - I think if we are looking for inspiration from them, then there is nothing really wrong with incest, racism/social stratification and cannibalism as well...
Lastly, just watch one of the several documentaries or movies about Sex Trafficking and Human Trade --> Its just sad and inhumane to take advantage of those girls (or boys) who have been stolen from their families; or women who were deceived into the sex business with fake promises of a job they needed to get treatment for a dying family member! I think its just sick to feed off of such people's misery!
Just some thoughts...
But sex is amazing!! Can never get enough of it! I totally agree with that! Hahaha...
Add your comment